SHIELD Academy: Descend (Rising)
by Blueberry01120
Summary: "Thor, save such things for your friends," he says. "You need to take a moment to consider just what you're doing. Once you make this decision, you cannot take it back." "And I am well aware of such a fact. I have other priorities that rank much higher than my personal feelings." He glances away from him and toward the end of the sidewalk. "Loki is my top priority."
1. Chapter 1

Descend ***"He's owes you much more than his life, Thor. He owes you love."***

**Message Delivery Cancelled!**

'May 11, 2013 6:00 pm

_Loki, _

_I am a coward, and I only realize this as I type this message to you. I am no better than those people who decided to bring you into their game of life or death, and for that reason, I wish for you to find something better. When you renounced my feelings, I felt as though I had been abandoned… again. In truth, I was the one to abandon you, and though you are unaware, I have already abandoned you. _

_I did not mean for it to turn into more than a casual camaraderie, but he displayed interest the moment we met. The others who threw themselves at me gave up when I brushed them off, but he continued when I told him that I would never return the feelings. He was persistent the entire time, and I simply reveled in the feeling of being wanted._

_Sometimes I am unsure of whether you truly want me, or if you settle because you are afraid of anything new. I know what they did to you was terrible, but I would never, ever do something like that. I would never drug you, Loki, and I would never take you anywhere you do not wish to go. _

_He is unafraid of anything, and it thrills me to see him take upon the world with such bravery. You know how much I admire bravery, which I have displayed a lack of._

_Even so, he will never measure up to what you have displayed, and he is merely something to project my attentions onto. He listens to me and provides feedback without filtering. You do the same, but your words are filled with something his are not: you._

_For the next person who manages to break past your walls as I have by some gift from the gods, I hope that they are not as stupid as I am. I have never been one for self-loathing, but Loki, I loathe myself. I hate myself more than I hate the man who gave me life. I hate him, Loki. I hate what he is making me do, and I hate what he did. I hate him for marrying your mother and for giving me the opportunity to do what I have done to you. _

_I have hurt you, and I can only tell you via text message. I am not man worthy of your love, Loki. _

_Hero Titan almost died attempting to kill you because he wanted you to love him. He is more worthy of your love than I am._

_Break up with me, Loki. Discontinue giving me your love. I have betrayed you."_

***"He's ruined you."***

"And how do you feel about this all?"

Such a question opens up the void of ignored emotions Thor chooses to store for a time when he is not nearing a cornerstone. He has not had time to stop and consider just how he truly feels about the state of his life, but he knows that he has done so for a reason.

"I do not feel anything."

"Thor, save such things for your friends," he says. "You need to take a moment to consider just what you're doing. Once you make this decision, you cannot take it back."

"And I am well aware of such a fact. I have other priorities that rank much higher than my personal feelings." He glances away from him and toward the end of the sidewalk. "Loki is my top priority."

"And so he is." The envy in his voice is evident, and Thor cannot help but feel as though that is the least he could feel. He sighs, and Thor turns to stare into his piercing blue eyes. He brushes a lock of hair behind his ear in a manner so similar to the one he wishes to replace. They are both aware that such a thing will not happen. It is impossible. "Let us not mope about. Come eat with me."

***"Get your man back!"***

Thor pays little attention to the action on the screen and instead watches Loki's tired face. It is almost cruel that he pulled him out of bed simply with the excuse of needing company in watching a movie, but Thor could not sit here with the knowledge that he could have Loki beside him.

"You woke me up so we could watch _Batman Begins_," Loki says.

He decides to play like he's a fool. "Do you not like Batman?"

"I do like him. It's just… why? Does it bother you that I enjoy my sleep?"

He chuckles. "No, but it does bother me that you are treating me like a leper. Why are you sitting so far away?" He is willing to risk this. "It is cold."

"Then get a blanket," Loki says. "And a shirt."

His tactic of shirtlessness has appeared to have worked. "Why would I do such when I have a perfectly good source of heat not feet away? Now, come closer before I freeze."

Loki stares at him for a few moments before he shuffles across the couch until there's only an inch or so between them.

Thor glances at the distance between them with amusement and tugs Loki close. He is not cold at all, but Loki's natural chilliness can be eased with sharing their body heat. Thor has more than enough for both of them. He puts an arm over Loki's shoulders. "If you are so tired, then lean your head on me. We can have a symbiotic relationship."

Loki sets his head on Thor's shoulder, and Thor's need to prove his bravery grows as the movie progresses.

He gathers enough courage to touch Loki's hair as he has always desired when Rachel Dawes is saved by Batman from the thugs, and Thor's hand comes up to stroke Loki's hair. He inhales sharply as the soft strands of black move through his fingers. A head of hair should not bring him such pleasure.

Loki's breaths start to speed up, and Thor follows suit, the blood in his body going to pool in his gut. The close proximity grows to be too much when Thor entertains the thought of kissing Loki, so he drops his hand back to Loki's shoulder.

Loki sits forward, frowning. He turns to look at Thor, and Thor gives him a questioning look. "Why did you stop?" he asks.

He remains unaware of just what he is doing to Thor with only the touch of his hair.

Thor nudges his head back onto his shoulder before his hand comes back up and begins running through Loki's impossibly luxurious hair. He has touched lots of hair in his life with girls who insisted on hugging him, but none of the hair can compare to the locks in his hands.

Loki glances up and meets Thor's eyes. Thor wishes he knew just how much Thor wants him, but a mere scalp massage does not equate to-

Loki jolts out of his arms and off of the couch. "Um, I have to go to the bathroom," he says.

He watches Loki go, and at the sound of the bathroom door clicking shut, he slips his hand into his shorts, imagining the impossible thought that perhaps Loki is down the hall doing the same.

*** Loki was telling the truth.***

**Message Unread!**

'From: Loki

June 8, 2013 10:04 pm

_He's fine._

10:05 pm

_He's home.'_

***"We can have a symbiotic relationship."***

"Loki, whose dog is this?" Thor asks, looking down at the dog sniffing around his feet.

Loki bites his lip, Thor's gut clenching, and he looks up, blinking slowly. "Yours."

Thor stoops down, running his hands over the dog's silky fur. "Hello. You're beautiful," he says, and he's not only talking to the dog.

The dog puts its paws onto Thor's knee. Its small paws remind him of another puppy he grew up along with. This dog is a Great Dane, one just as his own dog was. Two months ago he told Loki of his childhood dog, and Loki listened. He listened to Thor's anecdotes as Thor always listens to Loki's.

He looks up at this beautiful, beautiful creature the gods have given him the privilege of knowing. "Loki…" He puts the dog down before standing. "I can't…" He grabs the sides of Loki's face and pulls him into a deep kiss, Loki's eyes widening.

He absorbs the feeling of Loki's lips against his, soft and sweet. Thor pulls away, licking his lips and tasting the residual Loki. "I…"

Loki looks away, running his tongue over his lips, and gods he's tasting Thor. "Don't move, or you might trip," he says as he gestures down at the tangled leash.

He untangles it and picks the dog up. It may be small now, but it will grow to be large, perhaps even larger than his own dog was. "What's its name?"

"It doesn't have one," he replies. "It's yours to name."

Thor gapes. "I don't—wait…"

He does know.

"Fenrir."


	2. Chapter 2

The Rise ***No, Loki's problems are Thor's.***

"Thor Odinson!"

The roar is deafening but only background noise as Thor crosses the stage, shaking each teacher's hand while he carries his diploma in the other. The diploma means that Thor is no longer bound here by compulsory schooling but free to follow the dreams his father has set out for him.

He can barely stop himself from breaking into hysterics at the knowledge that a look up into the rows of his friends and family will reveal an empty seat where a body he knows like the orbits of the Jovian moons does not sit. He has gone, and Thor can only bare the pain as he returns to his seat.

"Will all students please grasp their tassels," Miss Hill says, and Thor takes the ropes with a limp grasp. "Yes, now move them from the right side to the left side."

Moments of more ceremonial gestures and Thor will be free to truly think.

Screams come from his peers as they throw their caps, and Thor throws his own with an exhale.

"Free bitches! I'm free!" Jonathan shouts as he jumps onto his seat. "I'm free!"

Thor is free, but he has never felt more imprisoned than he does as he follows the flow of students from the field and into the stands for celebration of their newfound independence. A mere piece of paper does not free Thor but guarantees a life of enslavement at the hands of a man who gave him life, only to take it and mold it into an echo of his own days of youth.

Perhaps it is a repayment for the charmed life he has led, a life only marred by the tragedies in his early childhood, and this life of misery he shall lead for now on is what he must suffer because of his abundance happiness. Such happiness feels as though it has been gone for millennia as he can only feel the call of the deep abyss of unhappiness and sorrow laid out in front of him, and this abyss is what he must fall into for him to show his father that he is not a disappointment, not a ruin of the name of their family.

"You have made me proud, my son," his father says as he pats his shoulder in a way that makes him feel feet shorter and boyish. "You have made your mother proud."

His father lies as Thor has not made his mother proud since December 22nd of the year previous, a day when he displayed the bravery she instilled him in during times of sadness and fear. His mother weeps and shakes her head at the shamble of lies and betrayals Thor has left in his trek to prove to his father that he is no disappointment.

"Cousin Thor, _grattis_," Hoder says as he inclines his head. Is his father not content with his cousin's display of maturity and wisdom to let him secede him when he becomes of wary age? Why must it be Thor who sits down on a throne of technology and rockets? He does not wish to command around drones to build. He wants to build, to study, to live.

"You look as if you have been told your life is over," Vidar says.

Thor tries to smile and fails. "It is."

He gets laughter in return though the looks in their eyes all state their agreement of such a fact. They have dodged bullets.

"Ah, my son, your life has only just begun. Let us go home."

He should not feel such hostility toward Zeus, but the moment he sees him, he thinks of several ways to harm him as he has harmed Loki with his presence, with his insistence that he and Thor remain in each other's lives after the incident in the coffee shop. He simply wanted peace, which Zeus seems foreign to.

"I apologize."

He beckons for Hermod and Bragi to go on without him. "Your apology changes nothing," he replies. "It does not bring Loki back."

"Neither does your anger, Thor." He lifts his hand to touch him but drops it, and Thor is relieved for Zeus' sake. "You know that I did not mean for this to end up this way."

"It is exactly what you wanted. You wanted me for yourself, Zeus, and you have obviously succeeded in that though I have to inform you that I will never-"

"-return the feelings," Zeus says. He is so aware of how Thor feels yet continues to push and push and push. "Thor, I only wish to remain your friend."

"The things you said to him, that's how you truly feel. I cannot be the one to keep giving you hope that something can develop when it cannot and will not. I valued the time we spent together as friends, and because of that time, I am telling you that I do this for you as well. I wish for you to find someone who feels the same, and I am not that someone."

He gets his "look of lightning" about him—"Lightning" as in the alias Zeus' number is entered into Thor's phone, the alias not named for his relation to the god of thunder surprisingly—and crosses his arms. "All for Loki, hm? He gives you his blessing, and you still cannot move on."

"I do not want to move on, Zeus," he says with a sigh. "If there is no him, there is no one."

"He's ruined you."

"I know," he replies, "and I do not care."

***Why should Loki believe him?***

"I have an announcement to make, and I apologize, Thor, if this is stealing your thunder."

A few chuckles come from around the table of his friends and family, Tony and Peter giggling and slapping at each other like children.

"Well… Odin and I are having a child."

Loki was telling the truth.

Perhaps about everything.

He glances to where Balder sits across from him and talks to Billy as if he has not tasted perfection, and liquid rage replaces his blood and guides him to stand up and calmly invite his cousin to stand, grin when Balder pretends as though he has not touched Loki in a way that most men would die to, clench his fists at his sides and laugh when his father suggests he "talk this out like an adult."

"I am not an adult, Father," he says. "I am a slave."

"Oh that you are, Cousin Thor," Balder says with a twist of his lips. "You are subject to Uncle Odin's whims. You are controlled by him, cousin, and you are nothing but another version of him!"

His words hold truth and that fact alone makes Thor shut his eyes and center himself in preparation for battle.

When he opens them, he beckons for his cousin to follow and leaves the restaurant with angry intention in each step. Fights have settled many disputes in his past, and his physical superiority over 99% of the population means that the dispute has often ended in his favor.

All disputes save for one.

Loki found his weakness and exploited his self-admitted underdeveloped emotions. When one can use their fists and feet, why focus on growing walls to block out the effects of harsh words and actions of others? A simple blow to the jaw or chest will cease any more of these harsh words and actions from continuing. Loki did not need to hit him or kick him to beat him. He simply told him the truth as Thor did to him.

Balder shrugs off his jacket and thrusts it into his Tyr's arms as if the lack of jacket will improve his performance.

Bragi steps between them. "Cousins, calm yourselves down before any mistakes are made," he says. "Do not ruin this time of celebration with your personal conflicts."

"Bragi, you have been too passive for your own well-being," Thor says as he waits for his cousin to realize that his words will do nothing to settle the conflict between him and Balder. "It would do you well to call medical services."

"For you, little cousin?"

"Little in age though not in brawn or strength." He chuckles and allows Natasha to take his jacket though he would be just as great without it. "You will see for yourself in moments."

"Do not do this, Thor!" his father shouts, forever a voice of "reason." He has only contributed to this end. "I command you not to!"

"I am supposedly an 'adult,' Father, remember? You have only told me minutes ago that I am an adult, which means that I am not legally bound to uphold your wishes." He hopes he communicates the threat along the edge of those words with his eyes, but he is unsure as he turns back to look at Balder. "Prepared enough?"

"Wait, guys, Thor, you got something back!" Natasha holds his cell phone above her head. "Loki, he texted you back."

It was never a question as to what happened to Loki, but of where he went after he admitted his harsh truths to Thor. To no surprise, he did not inform anyone of his departure, but a simple glance at Loki's despicable excuse for an uncle's cool expression and lack of panic and Thor knew that Loki was somewhere safe.

After all he has done, anywhere he is not, Loki is safe.

Still two nights ago as he stood in a line of his peers, he texted Loki a simple question of his whereabouts not expecting a reply, but he has finally gotten one. He is slightly afraid of what he may have gotten in return after the last admissions Loki gave him before dissolving any remaining romantic ties.

"Where is he?" Balder asks, and Thor takes a step toward him. "Cousin Thor, calm down. I am asking a question."

"A question you should know the answer to as you two have grown so very close."

He opens his mouth as if to reply, but Thor seizes him by the collar and lifts him from the ground.

"What? Do you have nothing to say to explain your excursion with him? Does it mean so little to you in comparison to the diluted nights you have shared with your chosen girls? What happened to girls, cousin? Did you think that Loki served as a suitable replacement for them? Did you realize that you were wrong?"

Balder is caught by his twin and Vidar when he breaks free. "What did he—he told you?"

"Yes, he did like you should have!" He raises his fist but drops it when he realizes that the words he has said echoes ones that have been replaying through his mind in the voice of someone he hurt in a way he's felt in his chest since the moments before the graduation ceremony.

"Oh, Cousin Thor, hypocrisy got your tongue?"

"Balder, please," Hoder says. "Natasha, if you would be so kind as to read to us all what Loki has sent you."

"'He's fine,' and another one a minute later, 'He's home.'"

"Um, since when does Loki talk in third person except when he's gone cray?" Tony asks. "Oh, well, I know he went pretty cray, but-"

"He's with someone else," Natasha says, forever the voice of reason among the foolishness of their comrades.

"Home?" Banner asks. "Loki's always saying he has no home."

Thor knows where his home is, but he is currently not here.

"Sci-bro, I'm on it." Tony sticks his finger into his ear in a sign that would be strange if Thor were not so used to the many "tech" items he wears.

"May we all go inside and calmly continue discussion?" his father asks, and his friends and family all begin to ascend the stairs and disappear into the restaurant again, leaving him and Natasha standing there in the relative silence of the city.

"You should see it," she says, and he takes his phone with an inhale.

The text messages are in _Svenska_, Swedish, and written in third person.

***Loki and Thor, gods among men.***

"'Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now? If I go there will be trouble, and if I stay it will be double!'"

He drums his fingers on his knees in rhythm to the music Tony is playing from the tablet in his hands as Tony sings along and nods his head opposite him. He does not display his anxiety as others do as it is a sign of apprehension of a short-coming. Thor has never been allowed to have short-comings in anything save for emotional growth, which he has been quite able to hide with his natural talent of speaking the "pants" off of people.

Only he and one other person would see the irony in that as before _him_, he had never engaged in anything more than a kiss and a rather awkward fondling, and Thor's words had the opposite effect of pulling his pants down. He ensured that they would remain up for him specifically with one of his more recent speeches.

"Oh, he's on the move… he's crossing the street-"

"Tony, you're being creepy," Steven says. "You're stalking him."

"No, I'm tracking him via cell phone. How is that creepy? I'm not doing the Batman thing, am I? I could, but I'm not. I'm sitting here, singing Clash, and sending my bro to get my other bro like a good person, like a good person you love."

Steven sighs as Tony presses a kiss to his forehead in a loving display Thor longs to replicate.

"Get a room," Clint says, putting his _Sports Illustrated_ magazine down. "We're here, you know?"

"People have managed to fuck in cars without other people knowing, Barton. I've seen it in movies."

"And you don't see the error in that thinking?" Bruce asks. "I've seen aliens in movies, but that doesn't mean they're real."

"It does not mean they are not either," Thor says.

"You want them to be real just as much as I do, but that doesn't change science."

"I did not say it did, did I?" He glances out the window at the idle jet. "What is causing the delay?"

"IDK, maintenance, don't want to kill you, all that normal stuff." Tony removes his legs from Steven's lap and opens the door. "Hey, hurry up!" he shouts before he sits back. "There. They'll hurry up. I'm the boss."

"You didn't say please."

Tony, always on to appease his boyfriend, sticks his head out of the door to add the pleasantry and earns a kiss for his troubles. "We need some inspirational music," he says, and after a few moments of Tony tapping, a song that brings up memories in Thor's head begins to play, memories he would rather forget.

His four friends back home—_Sverige—_share many likes and dislikes in common with him, but _High School Music_ is not one of them.

"'We gotta work, work, work this out!'" Tony and Clint both sing as Thor exchanges a look of exasperation with Natasha who often understands his dislike for Tony and Clint's trite tastes. They are more trite than the "experimental pop" music that Loki insists on listening to.

Loki.

He sighs and checks his phone which has remained devoid of any new text messages from him since last night.

"It's 2:23 pm in Sweden," Banner says, and a simple calculation would have revealed that, but Thor appreciates the sentiment.

"Totally wish I was going," Tony says, "but I've got the summer. Damn, this summer is going to be so fun. Shit, I'm excited."

The summer is a realm of possibility, some of which Thor looks forward to and others that make him want to retreat into his cowardly ways again, but no longer will he allow those who feel that their opinions matter to control his life. He is a man whether his actions of recent have displayed this or not, and as a man, he will do what is necessary.

"Mr. Stark, the plane is ready," a man says in the open door.

Thor grabs his bag and slings it over his shoulder, exiting the car under the navy sky.

"Good luck," Clint says. "You don't need it. You're like not human, but still, have it."

"Tell him you love him, multiple times," Tony says. "You like did something pretty fucking terrible even though the douche kissed you—I know, I know, it takes two to tango, but did you see how he was acting? Jesus, I wanted to punch him in the dance when he said he didn't feel bad. Fuck him. Happy you're still in love with Loki."

"He will always be in love with Loki," Natasha says. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but listen to Stark. He's actually making sense."

"I know you'll succeed, Thor," Steven says, and they shake hands. "Be safe."

"Tell Loki that he owes me a call," Banner says. "He's in a country with how much clean energy, and he's holding out on me. He should have at least invited me along."

Thor cocks an eyebrow at Bruce's petulant expression. "I will be sure to do as such, my friend." He begins to walk backward. "I will see you all Tuesday."

"Get your man back!"

As he turns, a smile comes to his face because that is just what Thor intends to do.


End file.
